Hello friend.
If you live near Tecumseh Michigan some of you may have noticed that the deer have begun to act in a manner most peculiar. They've been walking around with a surly attitude, smoking their cigarettes, carrying their spears, slingshots and howitzers. You may have also noticed how they have been gathering in large packs outside the town-
[BUFORD] They're called herds
What?
[BUFORD] They're called herds!
Large packs of herds outside the town. They've been lighting their torches, screaming their war cries and causing a general ruckus. Nothing particularly ominous about that, but they've been keeping folks awake at night.
It didn't become truly worrisome until we discovered they had tanks.
[BUFORD] Big ones
Yeah, big ones. Have you ever seen a deer drive a tank?
I have.
I didn't like it.
So in light of these developments I thought I'd tell you a little story... and maybe apologize.
The other day, I was driving along and I chanced upon a deer crossing sign. I thought:
"Well that's a silly place to have a deer crossing sign. Don't people know this is not a safe place for deer to cross?"
So against Buford's better judgment…
[BUFORD] Don't bring me into this!
I went and I pulled that sign up out of the ground, and I took it to the nearest stoplight. and I put it up at the stoplight. And I said, "Now all the deer can cross safely at the stoplight, like they're supposed to."
I drove home and feeling proud of the good deed I just did. I came to the place where I took that sign out...
...and there was a deer.
It ran across in front of me, and I'm sorry to say I hit it,
...with my car,
...very very hard.
And the deer, he got up, and he looked at me and he said:
"Why on earth would someone move that sign? I just got hit by a car and it really hurt. Did the city move the sign? That's not very good manners. It seems they could have at least sent us an email or put up some posters or maybe run an announcement on the radio. Did they do any of those things? They did not. I think my compatriots are going to have something to say about that."
And before I could explain the situation to him he bounced away in what would probably have been a graceful manner if he didn't keep stumbling to the side and pooping himself.
I'm pretty sure he had a concussion.
So, yeah, I apologize for starting an unnecessary feud with the deer population of Tecumseh.
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